Day 28: What are some things you do to help you cope when you’re having a hard time?
I do things like positive self-talk, remind myself why I am doing this or more importantly why I don’t want to do this. I try and relax and read – magazines, especially fitness magazines to motivate me. I also like reading recovery stories, and going on tumblr or recovery websites/blogs. Anything else I think I can do that will keep me motivated. I scrapbook and journal or come on here and blog. I try and tell myself things like “this too will pass” or I can endure it and get through it. Or that I’m stronger than the ED, or I sleep and sleep more. Sometimes I call my husband or do some writing. Ideally these are the things I should do when having a hard time, but I’m not always successful, and I don’t always think of them or want to do them.
Another day stuck in without leave. It was harder today being the second day of this. I had my husband here and we ended up having a bit of a spontaneous therapy session with the family therapist and it was actually quite good. We talked about the cycle of the ed in terms of the breaking factors I.e. opportunity, stress, emotional reasons, hunger triggers – the break I.e. the ED behaviours – the hangover I.e the feelings afterwards or means of making amends- and then the problem solving stage in which you try and avoid and through solving problems and per-empting some on the breaking factors you can then avoid them. So effective problem solving at tis stage can essentially be the key to exiting the cycle. We talked a lot about things my husband can do for me to make it easier and less likely I relapse. This included things like not leaving me alone and thus not providing opportunity- so this might mean that I have to do things with him sometimes that I don’t like, such as going to hardware store or watching him ride his bike. It also means remaining accountable at the end of the day and letting him view my electronic food journal. Another thing will be for him to institute a kind of like bed-rest period after meals, like we have here in treatment. This might mean locking the bathroom at the back of the house which was actually my idea. Also, we have committed to having sushi together each Friday where we will do a though ugh plan for the week, including what meals we will have for dinner, and the times during the week where I’ll be vulnerable and need to plan distraction or other behaviours. Also plan the times during my work-day that will be risky in the upcoming week. I like that we will be going out for a meal that I like I.e. sushi, which provides variety and also let’s him have a meal out which up until now I deprive him of. Also it lets us have the planning out of the way before the weekend and therefore be more at ease. So I think it could be a really good idea and could be very effective.
Another thing I want to do is try have afternoon tea out on one day each weekend and have some thing like gelato or another fun food. I told hubby that and he said he wold prefer me to be having fun food everyday as they suggest here, but I know I won’t be able to do that so this is my compromise. With so many changes to my diet when I get home I really don’t think I can also add in a fun food too. A lot of people think I’m setting myself up for failure, however, I honestly cannot deal with a fun food every day. I will try my best to incorporate the same amount of calories, but it can’t come from fun food at this stage. My goal will be clean, adequate eating that is made up of nutrients and is as filling as possible with enough calories. Fun food just doesn’t fit this description and is at odds with my healthy and clean lifestyle that I will be aiming to institute when I get home. So the planning for discharge is underway, and I feel a little more confident about going home. Although nowhere near confident and secure about not relapsing, I’m still extremely terrified to say the least.. But perhaps this is a good thing, for the first time prior to discharge, I’m actually being realistic.